четверг, 20 сентября 2012 г.

Hard way - to learn to trust


On weekend my daughter wanted us to go to park. The day was not very warm; from time to time it was raining . We were under umbrella, when it was raining. We took nuts with us. Nastya saw pigeons  and decided to feed them. Very soon other inhabitant of the  park realized that we were feeding birds and flew  to us.  Pigeons, tit , magpie, jay came for the feast .  But not every bird participated and could take the blessings.  Nastya wanted to feed them from the hand. And seams like every bird had their own experience of encounter with people. Only one pigeon trusted us to take the nuts from hand. Some were brave enough to come close and when some nuts were lost by trusting pigeon they quickly picked up them. Tit set above on the branches of the tree and  in order to take a nut had to dive to our hand, grab our finger for quick second. It was such a joy and pleasure while a little bird trusted  us  even on a second and stayed  on my hand. But still only two trusted us. All other turned back at last moment almost reaching the goal, but could not overcome fear.  Magpie was at a distance. She could see everything that was going on. But didn’t come close enough even to pick up dropped nuts . She had no chance. Jay was even further and up.  All had equal chances to be fed. But past experience kept most of the birds from blessings at that day. We had nothing to do with their past experience, we had pure motives and  didn’t had any intention to hurt them.  But they projected  their experience on us.
I was thinking about us. Do we trust God to eat from His hand or we stay so far as jay.
We had encounter with one of our clients, Vika. She grew up in an orphanage.  She had a room in an apartment with the people who hated her and tried to poison her.  She lost the room because of lack wisdom, sold to change the place of living and couldn’t buy another one for the same price.  When she became pregnant she didn’t even recognized it  as pregnancy. She shared with an older woman  her  concern about a growing belly. The older woman looked at her and asked her,  whether she was pregnant. She laughed.  She gave birth a baby boy in a barn. Neighbors heard the baby cry and called police and ambulance.  It took her a month before she got the baby out of a hospital and got shelter in Maternity home.  After 6 month she got  child benefit and decided  to rent apartment,  but without success. She came to us ready to give up, to give baby to an orphanage.  For the first time I saw how severe distrust could operate against a person. She was  difficult to help. All we offered didn’t fit her ideas . She lived in a barn and didn’t want to move in another part of the city.  She wanted room in the same part of the city as she had a room. It looked like she had invisible tie to that place, like she was chained to it. While we were talking she would stay at distance, she didn’t want to be hugged, she didn’t trust the love, she couldn’t understand why I was visiting her, bringing her food, she didn’t want to open her barn out of fear I could take her baby.  She was pushing the help  and people out, trying to be independent and ready to give up out of  the lack of support. 
That is not the end of the story. Could you join us in prayer for her and Peter,  her baby son.  When I hold him in hand he was disturbed , like he was felling his mother ready to give up on him. After awhile, he became interested in my coat touching new fiber. All my soul wanted just  to take him home and love him. But it was her baby and her life. I could come along side, if she let it.  She doesn’t trust anybody. 
 To survive she did cleaning for people, leaving the baby alone. The baby got used to it. She came back from cleaning. Somebody called police while she was away. The baby was taking from her.
When what she feared the most happened she came to our office. This time she was ready  for help. She said, you told you can help, can you. We started a way with her, a way where she need learn to trust and obey. We found a room to rent, we helped to move her belongings. This time she listened about love of Jesus. I said to her: Look, not many people will invite you to live in their home, even you pay.


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